How Crossing Boundaries Is Destroying Our Relationships
Every day, we come into contact with a number of people, and the one thing our relationships with them have in common are boundaries. Some of the boundaries go without saying – for instance, you wouldn’t hug the bank teller or a fellow customer in the supermarket aisles, while others are boundaries we need to set ourselves – for example, the ones regulating our romantic relationships. These latter ones are the most serious boundaries because not setting them or not observing them can actually be what’s destroying our relationships.
Why Boundaries Crossing May Be Destroying Our Relationships
While being able to feel free to be genuine in your relationship is very important, it is equally vital to know how far you can go at any given time, so as not to cross your partner’s own limits and boundaries.
Equally serious is that you draw your own lines, and make them absolutely clear to your lady so that she will know at all times how far she can go as regards certain areas in your life and your relationship.
For instance, if you don’t feel like discussing your previous relationships, feel free to let her know. If you are not happy with her parents owning a key to your apartment, you should, by all means, demand that they don’t.
The biggest problems arise when there is not a certain framework drawn, in which people can be comfortable, or when one of the 2 partners trespasses the boundaries, disregarding the other’s rights.
What To Do When Your Partner Has Crossed Your Boundaries
Your reaction to your partner overstepping your boundaries should depend on the reason why it has happened. You need to, first of all, ascertain that you have clarified the lines that are out of bounds beforehand. If you have failed to make your limits sufficiently understood, the responsibility lies with you. In this case, you should make sure to explain the situation as clearly as possible and honestly ask her to respect your desires.
If, however, you had set your boundaries and she failed to respect your wishes, it might be time to have a good chat. You can calmly explain why it is important for you to draw the line where you do and ask her to tell you why she crossed it.
Careful Not To Take All Spontaneity Away
We have established how important boundaries are but don’t get carried away. Make sure you only set limits to things that really do matter to you. Not every little detail in a relationship must be regulated, as this might take away from the fun and feeling of spontaneity all relationships need. Putting boundaries that are too strict can be destroying our relationships as severely as not setting any at all.
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